Best Dad Evar's Stash #GBE2

It’s Midnight at the home of Best Dad Evar. Our hero is tiptoeing down the shabbily carpeted hallway of his home. He chooses his footsteps carefully in the dim light of a small night light, avoiding that squeaky floorboard he knows is right… there. He’s carrying something under his arm, a box perhaps, but it is hidden in the dark shadows of the night.

“Best Dad Evar, why are you being so stealthy?” A voice whispers, as if it understands that discretion is required.
“I have to be careful whenever I go into my stash.” Best Dad Evar replies in a whisper of his own.
“You have a stash?” The narrator is incredulous.
“Don’t act so surprised. You know I have a stash.”
“I bet your family and friends don’t. They might be surprised.”
“Yeah, they might be. They might disapprove. Well, they don’t need to know about it, do they?”

“Okay, but what happens if someone finds your stash?”
“Yeah, that’s a real problem and I think about it sometimes when I’m accessing my stash.” Best Dad chews his cuticle, his brow knitted into a slight frown.
“You have to have it somewhere in the house.” The narrator prompts.
“But it can’t be anywhere the kids normally are or they could get into it.” Best Dad replies.
“No, you wouldn’t want them to find your stash, would you. You could keep it somewhere locked.”
“We don’t really have that many locks, though. And think of all the noise of all that locking and unlocking, you don’t want anyone to wake up due to the racket.”

“You could keep it up high somewhere.”
“Yeah, but what good is a stash if you can’t get to it when you want it.”
“So there is a small chance that someone could go where you don’t expect them to and discover your stash.”
There is a long pause, and Best Dad appears to be simply staring at the carpet. “Damn it!” Best Dad says through gritted teeth. He stands up suddenly and disappears into the back room. When he returns, he is carrying a much larger box and his shoes. His keys jingle in his pocket and atop the box sits a small padlock.

“Well, what now, Best Dad Evar?”
“Look what you’ve done, now I have to find a new place for my stash.”
“So you’ve decided to go for the lock, I think that’s a good choice.”
“And I’m not even sure the lock is to keep my children out!” Best Dad says, trudging toward the door.