Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Does it ever stop? #GBE2

Our hero, Best Dad Evar, is walking quickly between the front door of his gym and his dusty little car, the one with the paint chipping away on the roof. Within moments, the car is bouncing into the driveway of the little house with the unpainted trim that his family lives in. He hops out quickly (though he still makes that grunting noise we talked about earlier), and a few minutes later he's changed and sitting at his computer typing.

"Best Dad Evar, I've been watching you." The narrator says, with a hint of a scold tinging his words.
"Oh yeah?" Best Dad Evar replies halfheartedly, his fingers still tapping the keys.
"I've been watching you for the past fifteen hours."
"Uh huh." Best Dad seems not to be paying attention.
"Do you know that you haven't stopped to take a break since seven o'clock this morning?"
"You've been going non-stop, switching from one task to the next all day: shower, breakfast, commute, work, quick lunch, work, dinner, clean up, bedtime routine, gym, write. You even spent most of your lunch hour doing chores!"
"Yeah, that's my life." Best Dad replies, staring at the computer screen with a faraway look, no longer seeing the words on the screen.

"How long has it been like this?" the narrator asks.
"I can't remember. Certainly since I became a parent. Non stop chores from morning 'til night. Even the weekends mostly consist of chores I have to do to get the kids ready so *they* can have fun and not die in the process."
"Do you ever get a free moment for yourself?"
"A moment here, a moment there."
"Do you ever just do what *you* want to do?"
"Hah!" Best Dad bores his gaze into the spot where he imagines the narrator to be. "That's just not available to me."

"That's a pretty strange kind of life, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it is. But I trust that this life will end some day."
"Do you mean when you die?!" The narrator is horrified.
"No! What makes you say that?"
"Whew! I thought..."
"I know what you thought. What I meant was that there will come a day when these kids are a little older.... you know, when they turn eighteen and move the hell out of my house." The narrator chuckles. "When they move out, maybe I'll be able to spend a little time on me. Until then..."
"Okay, but Best Dad, what happens if you end up like so many parents these days."
"What do you mean?"
"With grown children living at home and mooching off of them into their 20's and even 30's?" Now it's Best Dad's turn to be horrified. The look on his face is pure panic. He's clearly never considered this possibility.
"But... I'll be ... in my 70's when my youngest is 30.... it just.... Noooooooooooo!" He runs for the medicine cabinet to grab a bottle of pills.
The narrator is relieved when Best Dad only shakes three pain relievers out into his now sweaty palm.


Christina Majaski said...

hahah...funny. I'm kinda okay with the idea that my kid may be living at my house when im 70. I just hope that she's working toward something and not just lurking from my basement.

Jo said...

As usual, you made me smile and remember. The days of raising kids and full time jobs and an endless list of things to do. Guess what? Those days are over for me. I don't have any kids living here, but I love when they come here! I love their noise and their laughter and I love when they go home, to their own homes. *sigh*

humor after 50 said...

Quirky and I loved it! Thanks!

The Host said...

Love it! And thanks for reminding me that this too shall pass...

Kiwi Riverman's Blogesphere said...

He trusts you are wrong?

Paula Martin said...

Funny, but now that my two daughters have flown the nest, and I can spend time on 'me', there are times when I wish they were still here :-)

Anonymous said...

Ha! My grown kids live nearby, but are self-sufficient and non-moochy. Lucky me. ;O)

Kathy29156 said...

I love it! Can't imagine liking the idea of my kids moving away, ever. I can imagine always wanting them nearby. Course mine are 5 and 10, so I have got a while before I have to worry about it. :D


Jenn said...

Loved it!! My kids are 15-5--I have don't mind if they want to hang around a little while--you know an extra year or two. I don't want them to go too far away though!! Okay--maybe that's because I'm Mom and they're young?? LOLOL!! Cheers, Jenn